Thursday, March 19, 2015

Carleigh Champman

We are confident that God is able to orchestrate everything to work toward something good and beautiful when we love Him and accept His invitation to live according to His plan. Romans 8:28
This sounds easy doesnt it? 

An A+B=C kind of equation.

Love God + Live His plan = God orchestrates good and beautiful.

Well, roughly 11-12 years ago I wasnt confident that this was the equation for my life. My husband, Trey, and I had been trying to get pregnant and it wasnt happening. It wasnt happening for 2 years on our own. It wasnt happening for the 2 years after that either, despite fertility treatments, although our doctors said there is no reason you SHOULDNT get pregnant.

Great! Except that I wasnt again and again and again. 

In my journey toward motherhood, despite having WAY more control over the process through fertility treatments than the average fertile myrtle, there was still this lack of control, this great mystery as to why things werent working toward good and beautiful and baby there was God.

The great mystery was God.

And I was impatient with God. God was still pulling the strings, controlling my life like a puppet, or at least this was the way the images became etched in my mind. Its all in Gods plan was the last thing I wanted to hear from anyone.

I knew God was supposed to be the one in charge here, the one to fulfill the desire of my heart because I had always been Gods faithful follower as long as I could recall, or so I thought at least.  Surely I had done something or NOT done something to please God and this was my punishment. God was just not pleased enough with me to 
give me good and beautiful.

I wasnt getting what I wanted out of the equation mentioned above; I wasnt getting my part of the deal.  Although I wasnt able to see it at the time, God was still there with me, orchestrating everything to be good and beautiful.

Thankfully, our friends and family truly carried us through this time in our lives when we couldnt walk this journey on our own. God had been orchestrating that good and beautiful for years before we had started the journey towards parenthood. I learned just how much my friends themselves would orchestrate for me in order to show their support for me in my journey toward motherhood and just how far I could melt into their nurturing arms no matter where we were when we suffered yet another disappointment.  I learned the true devotion of a friend, who at the time was my supervisor as well, when she left work to sit with Trey as he waited for me to undergo emergency surgery to repair internal bleeding and damage done by a tubal pregnancy.  I learned even more so how true my husbands love for me was when my friend saw how scared he was that he might lose me as they wheeled me back for this surgery. 

All good and beautiful. 

All essential to the journey.

Fast forward to 2007, 2011, and 2014 and our journey toward parenthood has had a happier ending than we ever would have believed at the beginning of it actually, three good and beautiful, happy endings all gifted to us without medical intervention.

In your own journey, through Lent or through life, are you confident that God is orchestrating good and beautiful to get you to the Easter Morning of your journey? Are you patient or impatient? What are the moments that your confidence is shaken?


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