In the Face of Fear
a Homily by Griff Martin
For the Tenth Sunday of Ordinary Time (and the Twenty-first of Covid Worship)
For the Beloveds of First Austin: a baptist community of faith
August 9, 2020
*This document comes from an oral manuscript.
Langtson Hughes wrote about it like this in his poem “A Dream Deferred”…
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
What do you do when you are scared, when you are faced with the truly bad f words: fear and failure?
What do you do when you are stuck in a situation that seems completely hopeless and you have no place to turn and you are all alone and all roads seem dangerous?
For instance, what would you do when you have long had a very tense relationship with your siblings all because you are by far your parents' very favorite child and this is so obvious that they give you gifts that no other child gets and they just stand by when you share your dreams about all the other siblings one day bowing down to you, so of course the other siblings hate you… and one day you are off working with the other siblings and they finally have their chance, you always hate when it’s just you and them because that is always when the bullying can escalate and even turn scary, but this day something is different, this day it’s not just bullying and threats, this day you think they might actually kill you or even worse they might give you a slow death at the bottom of a well where you are destined to try your hardest to claw up for freedom and claw down for water all while knowing the well is bone dry and there is no escape… and then you hear them talking, planning something else and the words you can hear “make a profit,” “kill” and “what good is he to us?” What do you do?
What do you do when you are stuck in a situation that seems completely hopeless and you have no place to turn and you are all alone and all roads seem dangerous?
Or what do you do when you are being called into something new that scares you because you don’t know if you can do it, you have no faith and no footing?
For instance when you are bone tired because you have been working tirelessly on this big project and it seems like even though you are working your hardest you are not really getting anywhere and it seems like the entire world is against you and opposition is everywhere and it’s getting louder and closer, so loud and so close that you have to escape and so your team suggests a getaway and this getaway means that you are going to jump on a boat and travel across the sea. Your boss promises that he is going to come a bit later, you just assume he will fly over. Until it’s the middle of the night and of course things are not going as a planned and this little boat trip has suddenly become the Perfect Storm and if that was not bad enough there is a ghost walking to you on the water and a few of your team suggest that this ghost might actually be your boss and then your boss calls you to walk out to him? What do you do?
What do you do when you are being called into something new that scares you because you don’t know if you can do it, you have no faith and no footing?
What do you do when you are scared is a question Brene Brown asks almost all her guests on her podcast "Unlocking Us." She asks, “You are called to be brave, but the fear is real and stuck in your throat, what do you do?”
It’s a real question right now. What do we do in fear? Do we all try to come up with the best way to make homemade sourdough bread? Do we log onto Facebook and twitter too much? Do we watch too much news? Do we hoard toilet paper and flour? Do we pray? Do we get over reactive? Do we over or under function? Do we withdraw? Do we open a bottle of wine? Do we numb with Netflix and binge on Google?
What do we do when we are up worried about how we choose education, safety, mental wellbeing for our teachers and students? What do we do when faced with a Fall that has zero certainty? What do we do when church giving is down and you are worried about finances and pledges?
Here is what I do… I swing from over function to under function… At first I think about all the ways I can avoid the fear by controlling the fear, it’s a lot of to-do lists and little projects in which I have some power and control, it’s multi-tasking and organizing, it’s busying myself so that I feel productive: the yard is mowed, the flowerbeds clean, the sermon is written, Jude’s closet is clean, there are zero unanswered emails and my desk is organized… and when that is done I swing to the under functioning side and recently this has looked like I disappear into a pile of novels, the Times Crossword puzzle and Two Don’t Touch puzzle and naps and old episodes of Murder She Wrote.
Basically I do anything I can to avoid the fear by busying myself or distracting myself.
Our book, our sacred collection of stories and our guide of human journeying and divine wisdom has a lot to say about fear. In fact, it’s worth pointing out that the phrase "Fear Not" is found in our book 365 times, which gives us a story and phrase of "fear not" for every day of the year. The authors of Scripture, humans, must have known how incredibly strong fear is to the human experience and keep returning to the phrase "fear not."
Of course, "fear not" is a lot like when your parents say, “because I said so.” It might not be the exact inspiration for us. So what are we supposed to do?
Well let’s start with what we can’t do.
First, we can’t let fear drive. One of my favorite teachers Elizabeth Gilbert reminds us of this giving us the metaphor of a long car trip and reminding us that everyday we set on the car trip we get to choose who is going to drive and that one of the best things we can say to ourselves each morning is finding the voice of fear in our minds and souls and saying to that voice, “You are a really important voice in my life, in fact without you I would be quite lost -- people without fear are not well -- however you are not the best driver, you are a bit reactive and easily frustrated and you just, well, you drive like a toddler behind the wheel, so you are going to get to go on this ride with me, but you don’t get to drive, you get to stay in the backseat and we only need you to speak when it is essential.”
Second, we need to remember that there is no road map that we posses to this journey, so we can’t plan our way out. I keep using this illustration but think of a car trip on a long dark night. You might wish that the road from A to B was illuminated and you could see the entire drive and distance before you even begin the trip, but that is not possible. But what is possible is to get in your car and your headlights will show you the entire trip, step by step by lighting up only what is exactly in front of you.
So what are we supposed to do?
What we can do it simple…
We can take a deep prayerful breath. Breath centers the body. The Spirit of God is breath. We breathe knowing the same oxygen and breath that empowered Christ, empowered us, the same Spirit that empowered Christ empowers us. Take that in.
We can remind ourselves the simple truths that we know: God is good, the world is good and we are good. That love wins. That we are not really in charge but we are called to follow (and all this is what we call faith and hope, love in action).
And then we listen and do the next right thing, take the next step.
And suddenly when we are are stuck in a situation that seems completely hopeless and you have no place to turn and you are all alone and all roads seem dangerous, we hear the chatter above us… and we realize that maybe somehow getting aboard this group of folks traveling to another town might actually be a way out for us, at the very least it has more options than our current situation, so don’t fight it, let what’s in the way be the way… the next right thing might be going down this scary road because even though it’s scary, it has options and has more hope than just staying stuck.
Or suddenly you are being called into something new that scares you because you don’t know if you can do it, you have no faith and no footing and you hear this voice calling you to take a step out… and you realize that if the voice that you think is calling you is actually calling you, well then this might be doable, the next right thing might involve a step of faith because you are being called by one who has deep faith in you… the next right thing might be taking the step out to see if you can walk on water.
What do you do when you are called to be brave and the fear is real? And that is a whole lot of Christ following today… Being called to be brave and bold in the face of very real fear.
We take deep, centering breaths.
We remind ourselves of all the truths we know: God is good, the world is good and we are good. That love wins. That we are not really in charge but we are called to follow.
And we listen for the call of the next right thing, the next right step.
And then we take it, knowing that small right steps will always get us into the place God desires us, those steps take us into God’s dream.
The dream that Langston Hughes shared in another poem about dreams, "I Dreamed a World."
I dream a world where man
No other man will scorn,
Where love will bless the earth
And peace its paths adorn
I dream a world where all
Will know sweet freedom's way,
Where greed no longer saps the soul
Nor avarice blights our day.
A world I dream where black or white,
Whatever race you be,
Will share the bounties of the earth
And every man is free,
Where wretchedness will hang its head
And joy, like a pearl,
Attends the needs of all mankind-
Of such I dream, my world!
That world is created with small steps in love and faith which lead to big things. May we do so… Amen and Amen.
*artwork: Jesus Walking on Water by David Mach
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