Amy Downing
Jeremiah 16:10-21
John 6:1-15
The texts that I was asked to blog
about were very challenging but then I had to honestly ask myself, “Is
there any biblical text I don't find challenging?”
The answer is of course, no.
Yet, I indefinitely have an affinity
towards the challenging stories of Jesus and a knee jerk reaction to Jeremiah's
God of the old testament. A God
who is so unforgiving and would scatter his people and punish them so
greatly. Yet in order to know
Jesus more, the miracle worker who feeds 5000 people and humbly slips away into
the wilderness, I know I must challenge myself to find the merciful, loving God
that Jesus found in the torah.
Although Jesus' revolutionary interpretation of the law changes people's
interpretation of the old testament, this is still the foundation of his
faith. Which is what I believe he
is speaking to in the reading from John.
So the resonating themes in these
passages are a broken people.
People scattered and scared, hungry and lonely, grateful for mercy while grappling with
what it means to follow God's law when suffering, discontentment, and
oppression have lead them to sin.
The themes obviously are timeless.
One of my favorite writers, Pema
Chandron speaks about how our fear of suffering and sadness often leads us to
our ultimate unhappiness. We live
in a society that tells us we should be satisfied at every moment and if we
have even a moment of discomfort we can surely numb it with any form of
entertainment. And that
entrainment can come in many forms- television, drugs, sex, gossiping.
Though society has gotten more
creative with our numbing tools, I do believe that those same feelings of
loneliness, sadness, and not feeling like we are enough led to theirs insomuch
in the same way that they lead to ours.
Pema Chandron encourages us with our
sadness, loneliness, and emptiness through mediation. Instead of turning away from our sadness she encourages us
to be with it and see it through. Ultimately to see that it will pass. Just as
joy cannot be forever, neither can pain.
This idea was very hard for me when I
begin my meditation practice. As
an actor and an extrovert my tendency in times of sadness is to call a friend
and bitch, or to pour myself a glass of wine.
I was terrified of being alone with
my pain and sadness.
I was afraid it would take me
over. I feared it so much that like
the people Jeremiah speaks of, I turned to my “non-gods” to
fix it for me. Numb me. If I had been at the meal of loaves and
fishes I might of turned away, saying “this
is impossible I better go find some work or I'll be starving later. I'll see Jesus speak another time.” I
would have missed the miracle of being with what is, and discovering I actually
had more than enough all along.
So now when I'm sad I have a practice
to sit with it, to not judge it. To let it live. The more I let it be and don’t try to numb it or escape it, the
more I let it be in my heart and experience the full capacity of my fear, the
smaller it gets.
And I think I understand Jeremiah's
story. I think I can begin to
understand God's frustration with a people who want to run away from any
pain. Yet, I need to hear Jesus'
voice saying, “I won't abandon
you again. You are enough as you
are, but please try.”
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